Thinking of You
by Wick3d Ang3l
Summary: Kagome had been in love with him longer than she could remember. When he asked her to marry him she was in heaven and their child was just the icing on the cake so to speak. Everything was like a fairy tale until one day he just left. Full summary inside
1. Missing Him

Kagome had been in love with him longer than she could remember. When he asked her to marry him she was in heaven and their child was just the icing on the cake so to speak. Everything was like a fairy tale until one day he just left with no explanation. It's been two years since that dreadful day, can Kagome find the strength to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and move on, or is she doomed to spend the rest of her days waiting for him to return?

**Thinking of You**

**by Wick3d Ang3l**

**Chapter One: Missing Him**

Kagome Higurashi frowned as she looked at the clock on her night stand. It was only three and she'd been tossing and turning all night. She stretched as she sat up, giving up on sleep completely. It was all _his_ fault. It had been two years since he handed her an envelope and walked out with no explanation. Their daughter was four at the time and only remembered him a little, but Kagome constantly showed her pictures of the daddy that was kidnaped. It killed her to lie to her own flesh and blood like that, but the truth could wait until she was old enough to understand. Of course Kagome still didn't understand it herself so she doubted she would ever tell Rin the truth.

She walked through the empty house that he had bought for them when they got engaged. It was hard living here, but she couldn't afford rent and this house was paid in full. She thought she could probably sell it for enough money to live comfortably the rest of her life, but she felt connected to it. This was the last place they made love, the last place he looked her in the eyes and told her she was his world, and the last place she saw him. She opened the door to the bedroom they had shared and fought back the tears. It still felt like yesterday when he held her in his arms and whispered sweet nothings into her ear about the family they would have and how their love would withstand anything. She could see him sitting there, reading one of his ridiculous mystery novels, and waiting for her and Rin to run in and jump in bed after bath time. She walked in and ran a hand over the dresser that had collected a lot of dust since he left. It took a year before she could open the door and she still couldn't bear to move anything to clean. She stood at the window that looked out over the back gardens and frowned. They still looked as perfect as the first day when he showed her the view from their room. He told her she could look out over the gardens and see just a glimpse of her own beauty. She cursed as she wiped at the tears that were now running down her face.

The envelope he gave her still sat on the bed unopened. When he handed it to her she threw it there and hadn't moved it. She couldn't bear to read what he had written then so she decided that someday she would have the strength. To this day she still couldn't look at it without that day running through her head. The pain was still fresh and she still just didn't understand. If he was as happy as he told her he was, as happy as he seemed, why did he leave without even so much as reason. She had begged him to make her understand, but he just looked at her with sad eyes and told her to move on.

Moving on was something she knew she couldn't do. Her mother and her friends were always trying to set her up with someone, but nobody could compare to him. He was her world and at one time she thought she was his, but a person didn't just walk out on his family if he really cared, did he? She tortured herself all the time, trying to figure out what she did wrong, why he left her behind.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" came a little voice from behind her.

Kagome took a deep breath, plastered on a fake smile, and turned to look at her daughter. "Nothing's wrong sweety. What are you doing up so early?"

"I heard a noise and I didn't know what it was," Rin said, running over and hugging her mother's waist.

"Aw, it's okay honey. Let's go lay down in mommy's bed and I'll make us a big breakfast when it's time to get up."

"Okay!"

Kagome laughed as she picked the little girl up, closed the door to the room, and walked to her bedroom. Rin jumped in and wiggled around. "Lay still and close your eyes. If you don't go to sleep now you won't have any energy to go to the park with aunt Sango after school."

The girl laid still and turned to her mother. "What was daddy like?"

"Rin, I've told you about your daddy."

"I know, but I want to hear it again. I miss him."

"I miss him too honey. He was strong and brave and he loved us very much," she said, her voice threatening to break. "The day you were born he cried and said you were the most perfect thing he'd ever seen." She sniffled a little and hugged her daughter close to her.

"Why do you cry when you talk about him?"

"Because I love him very much and I want him to come back."

"Do you think the people who took him away will ever let him come home?"

"I hope so honey. I really hope so."

--

Kagome yawned as she turned off the alarm and tried to quietly get out of bed. Rin rolled over into her spot and snuggled further into the blankets. She smiled down at her daughter and decided to take a shower. The hot water felt good running down her back as she closed her eyes. She could remember mornings when they both woke up late and he would jump in the shower with her. It always ended up making them later then they already were and she would get upset with him, then he would tell her that life was too short to run off to work early every morning. If only she had known then how short her time with him would be she would have called in and spent more days just laying in bed holding him close to her.

She shook the thought from her head and climbed out of the shower. The outfit hanging on the back of the door made her shudder, but she had to wear it. She pulled on the short black faux leather skirt first then the black corset that laced on each side. After putting that on she dabbed on a little make up and put a long skirt and button-up shirt over top of it. She was working two jobs to pay the bills. Five days a week she worked in an office from 8am to 4 pm, then three days a week she worked at the bar from 6pm to close, which was 2am. It wasn't easy, especially when she worked at the bar and the office on the same day, but they stayed in town with her best friend Sango on those days, which Rin loved.

Once she was finished getting dressed she tip-toed through the bedroom and into the kitchen. She pulled the eggs and sausage out of the fridge and got out her favorite frying pan. She grabbed a spatula and fried the sausage, set it aside, and fried the eggs in the grease.

Rin stretched as she walked in and sat at the table. "Good morning mommy."

"Good morning honey, do you want milk or orange juice to drink?" Kagome asked as she sat a plate in front of her daughter.

Rin thought for a moment. "Can I have chocolate milk?"

Kagome stuck a finger under her chin like she was thinking. "Oh I guess so, since you're such a good girl I guess you can have a treat."

Rin laughed. "Mommy I have chocolate milk every morning."

"I know, that's because you're such a good girl that you deserve a treat everyday! Now eat up, we need to hurry and get you to school."

"Is aunt Sango coming to get me after school today?"

"She sure is, mommy has to work both jobs today so I will stop at aunt Sango's and give you a kiss good night."

"Okay! Maybe Kohaku will play with me at the park today!"

Kagome smiled at her daughter. Sango's parents had been killed in a car accident when she was seventeen and she took over the care of her younger brother. It hadn't been easy, but they made it and now that Kohaku was a little older it made things easier since she no longer had to pay a babysitter. Rin had decided that she was going to marry Kohaku when they grew up, Kohaku wasn't as keen on the idea and tried to avoid her as much as possible.

Ah, to be young and in love again. She remembered that feeling, being in love at such a tender age. She had loved him since before she could remember and he took good care of her. He stayed by her side through thick and thin growing up. Even after he graduated and went to college he came back to visit her every weekend. Once she graduated he asked her to marry him and of course she said yes. He bought them the house and soon they found out they were expecting a child. Life had been so good to them until the day he tore her world apart and left it in shambles.

"Mommy, are you listening?" Rin asked impatiently. "Mr. Hojo is giving us a test today and I think I'm going to get an A!"

Kagome smiled. "Well, if you get an A then we will have to celebrate with ice cream!" At least she still had her sweet little girl.

--

"Higurashi, you have a phone call on line two," a co-worker called as she tapped away at her keyboard.

"Just a second, I've almost finished this document," Kagome answered.

"It's the school, it sounds pretty important."

Her heart raced. What if something had happened to Rin? She nodded to her co-worked and picked up her phone. "This is Kagome Higurashi, how can I help you?"

"Ms. Higurashi, this is Rin's teacher, Akitoki Hojo," the man on the other end said.

"Did something happen? Is Rin okay?"

"Oh, she's fine. I am a bit concerned with some of the things she is telling other students. I would like to set up a conference, maybe this afternoon?"

Kagome sighed. She really needed to stop and see Rin before she headed to her other job, but it sounded pretty important. "Um, I get off work at 4 and I can probably make it to the school by 4:30."

"That sounds great. I look forward to our meeting."

"See you then." She hung up and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. The last thing she needed was Rin starting to cause trouble in school.

"Is everything alright child?" Kaede, her boss, asked.

"I hope so. That was Rin's teacher, it seems she's causing a little trouble in class."

"Ay, children go through these stages. Especially when they are missing a parent. Every child needs a mother and father."

"Yeah, well there really isn't much I can do about that now is there? He left, he walked out, and he's not coming back."

"Then why don't you try dating, find another father figure for the girl."

"Because I love him Kaede. He has been my whole world for so long that I don't know how to be with anyone else."

"It has been two years child, you have to accept that he is not coming back."

"What will I tell Rin? She thinks that he was taken from us and that some day he will come back and we will be a family again."

"You need to tell her the truth. If you don't tell her then one day she will find out and she will resent you for hiding it from her."

Kagome dropped her head to her desk with a thud. "You're probably right, but she's so young and her father means so much to her. I don't want her to think of him as a bad person."

"I understand your plight, but if you don't tell her the truth soon then she will think you are the bad guy for keeping such a big secret."

"Does life ever get easier?"

"Not that I have seen child."

--

Kagome walked to the classroom and knocked on the door. She had only met Rin's teacher once at an open house and he had so many other parents to speak with that night that they'd only spoken for a moment. Her face was plastered with her best fake smile and she extended a hand when the door opened.

"Ah, Ms. Higurashi, come in and have a seat please," the man said as he shook her hand.

He was a very good looking man, his hair was dark brown and cut in a shabby style. His eyes were deep chocolate and his black suit pants and white button shirt accented his well portioned body. Out of all of his features it was his smile that caught the most attention. He had a very broad, innocent smile.

Kagome walked into the room and took a seat at one of the tables in the back of the room. After shutting the door he made his way to the back and took a seat across from her. "Before I say anything else I want you to know that Rin is one of the brightest students I've ever had. She catches on quickly and excels in every subject."

Kagome visibly relaxed a bit. "I'm glad. I worry that because I work so much she will get behind."

"Not at all. She's actually been assisting her peers in their studies. My problem is the stories she tells."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, today I over heard her telling a fellow student that her father was abducted by 'bad men' and that he was coming home someday."

Kagome looked away and sighed. "Rin's father left us two years ago. She wasn't home when it happened and I didn't want her to think of her father like that so I told her he was taken away by force..." She stood and looked out the window for a while before she could speak again. "This is all my fault. She asked me today if I thought he would ever be allowed to come home and I told her I hoped so. She must have taken that as meaning he would be back."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea. So Rin doesn't get to see her father?"

"No, I actually have no idea where he even is. I haven't seen him since he left that day."

"That must be difficult for you."

"It is, but we manage." She turned and looked at him, a sad smile on her face. "I'm trying to find a way to explain to Rin that daddy isn't coming back and that mommy has to move on with her life."

"So, is there a special man in your life?"

Kagome looked confused.

"I'm sorry, that isn't any of my business. I just... I think you are a very beautiful woman and I can't imagine a man ever leaving you. The more I talk the more I realize that you must be taken and I sound like an idiot."

"Actually I haven't dated since he left. My mother and my friends keep trying to set me up, but it's been really hard. Having a six-year-old doesn't help."

"Some men don't mind kids."

Kagome blushed then looked up at the clock. "Oh my gosh, I need to get to work!"

"I thought you said on the phone that you got off work at four."

"I do, but I work two jobs."

He nodded and grabbed a piece of paper. "Here is my number. If you ever feel like you're ready to date again give me a call. I can be understanding and I love kids."

Kagome laughed as she took the paper and stuck it in her pocket. "Thanks. I will keep it handy."

His voice stopped her as she was walking out the door. "Kagome," his voice sounded so soft and silky, just like... "I just want you to know that we aren't all the same."

She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and nodded. By the time she got to her car her heart felt like it would explode. That was the same thing _he_ told her when she was stupid and dated Inuyasha.

_"I just don't understand why he keeps going back to her!" Kagome had yelled angrily. _

_"It's just his way Kagome, he will never change," he had replied._

_She pouted. "Maybe I'll just give up on men all together."_

_He shook his head. "That doesn't seem fair to the rest of us."_

_"Whatever... I'm going home, I'll talk to you later."_

_He grabbed her hand as she walked out the door and caused her to look at him. The look in his eyes melted her heart. "Before you walk out of here I just want you to know the we're not all the same."_

She had known that she was in love with him, but until then she thought it was one sided. After that day she never doubted his feelings and he made it well known how much he cared about her. She wiped at her tears angrily and grabbed her cell phone. Rin could always make her feel better. "Hey Sango, where is Rin?"

_"She's at the park with Kohaku, you don't sound so great, is everything okay?"_ Sango asked.

"Yea, I'll be alright. Tell her mommy loves her and that I'll see her in the morning." She flipped her phone shut and took a deep breath. She looked into the mirror and a much older woman stared back at her. At the same time she could still see that fragile young girl from so long ago. She shook her head and put the car into gear. She didn't need to think like that right now. Right now she just needed to focus on work and Rin.

--

Kagome hated karaoke night because everyone was drunk and thought they sounded fantastic. The truth was they all sounded horrible and it gave her a terrible headache. One of the other girls gave her a sympathetic smile and went on with their business. "Kagome!" her boss called and she sighed and walked over to him.

"Yes?" she asked impatiently, could he not see that she had customers waiting.

"I want you to get up there and sing something."

"Sir, I'm no good."

He laughed. "How many people do we get up there that are actually good? I was told we need to get down to the customers level and I think this is the perfect opportunity. Not to mention you are one of the sexiest girls I have."

She really didn't want to, but he wasn't giving her a choice. "Any special requests?"

"No, just sing what your heart tells you to."

She nodded and put her tray down on the bar. Everyone watched as she made her way toward the makeshift stage in the back of the room. She took a deep breath as she chose her song and stood in front of the microphone.

_"I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just go_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone"_

It was as if the world had stopped and a spotlight shone on her. Her haunted voice flowed through the bar and out onto the street, causing people to stop and listen. Some even stepped inside to see the beautifully broken woman standing on the stage.

"_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real._

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me._"

The tears made her eyes glisten like stars in a dark sky. The crowd felt her pain and cried along with her as she sang her heartache to them.

"_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me"_

She could feel her heart screaming out for him, she wanted him to be there with her, holding her hand, and telling her that he was sorry and he would never leave her alone. She wanted him to know what he left behind and the hurt that she felt everyday.

"_I've tried to tell myself that your gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along."_

She closed her eyes and let the tears drop to the floor below as the crowd broke out into cheers. She slipped off stage and walked into the backroom. Once she got to a counter she leaned against it to try to calm down. Her sobs racked her body as she tried to breath. Her heart felt like someone was squeezing it with all their strength. She could feel her consciousness slipping away as her hands slipped from the counter and she fell to the floor.

--

"Mommy!" Rin yelled as she ran into her mother's open arms. "Mommy I was so worried about you!"

"I'm okay honey, mommy just got a little... overwhelmed," Kagome said as she hugged her daughter to her.

"What does that mean?"

"It means it's time that mommy tried to move on."

Rin looked confused, but decided not to ask any more questions. She was just glad her mommy was okay.

--

Kagome took a deep breath as she looked at the envelope in her hand. If she was going to move on she needed to know what this letter said. Her heart raced as she opened it and something fell from between the pages as she unfolded it. It was a credit card. She decided she would get to that later. Her eyes started to water as she read the heading, but as hard as this would be she knew she had to do it.

_To my beautiful Kagome_

_I know you have a lot of questions and how I wish I could answer them. There are things that I can't explain... I hope you trust me. Our lives are going to be very different and I'm so sorry for that. Please don't let our little girl forget me or think badly of me. I love you both very much and I would never hurt you on purpose, but sometimes it's out of my control. _

_I hope that someday you can move on and find someone who can love you the way you deserve. There are plenty of men out there, I hope that you can give some of them a chance because it won't be hard for them to fall in love with you._

_Make sure you give Rin a kiss from me everyday. Tell her that daddy loves her and wishes he could be there with both of you. _

_Please use this credit card for anything you and Rin want or need. I will make sure it stays paid. _

_I love you so much and I wish that this could be different, or that I could at least explain things a little better. Just know that you will always be in my heart no matter where I go._

_With all the love in the world,_

_Sesshoumaru_

Kagome cursed as she threw the letter to the floor. She didn't know what she had hoped, but she at least thought he would have some kind of explanation for leaving. She picked up the credit card and walked into the kitchen. They had been doing just fine without his charity and she refused to take his help now. She cut the card into little pieces and threw it in the trash. It was time to move on and she didn't need his help to do it.

--

Angel: So, it's not GREAT, but I still think it's pretty good. I worked hard on this so be gentle. No but seriously, if you think anything can be fixed let me know. I can't guarantee I'm going to follow your advise, but I will take it into consideration.

Izzy: I think she went through and changed some details like a thousand times!

Angel: Hey, writing is a process and some parts of the process take longer than others. Also this took me a week or so to write, with work and everything I'm not sure how long it will be before I can update.


	2. Moving On

Ok, I realize I left out some important details. In this story all characters are as they are in the anime, just a bit more modern. Sesshoumaru and Kagome are not mates, which will be explained at a later time. I will also eventually explain why he left. Rin looks the same as she did in the anime, which I think is very similar to Kagome, the only difference is that she has a blue crescent moon on her forehead. Also, please do not continuously inform me that Sesshoumaru is OOC. I realize this, but in my eyes he's not COMPLETELY OOC. In my opinion Sesshoumaru is a very emotional person, it's just that he's not as vocal about it as some of the other characters.

**Thinking of You**

**by Wicked Ang3l**

**Chapter Two: Moving On**

Kagome looked down at the number and then looked at her best friend. Sango put a hand on her hip and tapped her foot. "If you don't dial it I will, then I'll hand the phone to you. One way or another you're going to do this."

Kagome pouted and Sango couldn't help but laugh. She looked like a little kid who didn't get her way. "Sango," she whined, "I don't even know what to say."

"You're being a baby. Now, like I said either you call him or I will!" Frankly she was getting tired of the back and forth.

"Fine! I'll call him, but I'm not talking to him."

"Okay, so you call and breathe into the phone, sounding like a stalker, and pray that he doesn't have caller ID. Now just _call_ him!"

Kagome sighed in exasperation. She picked up the phone, dialed the number, and waited someone to answer. "Hello?" came a woman's voice from the other end and Kagome quickly flipped the cell shut.

"What?"

"A woman answered! What if he's like married or engaged and he wants me to be the 'other woman?'"

"You're overreacting. It's probably just a friend or something. Oh! Maybe he dropped his phone and she found it!"

"That's reaching a little don't you think? It's obvious that he is involved with someone and he was just looking for... I don't know, a booty call."

Sango opened her mouth to speak, but Kagome's cell phone started to ring.

"Oh my god, it's his number. What do I do? I don't know what to say. What if it's his girlfriend!?"

"Calm down and answer. All you have to say is hello."

Kagome nodded, took a deep breath, and flipped her phone open. "Hello?"

"Someone just called me from your phone, who is this?" a man's voice came.

"Kagome..." she answered.

"Kagome! I'm so happy you called! My sister said you called and then just hung up," Hojo said, sounding very happy that it was her.

'It was his sister,' she mouthed to Sango.

'Told you,' Sango mouthed back.

"Yea, I, uh, must have lost the signal. You know how these crazy cell phones can be. I was wondering," she paused and took a deep breath, "maybe if you aren't doing anything important tomorrow afternoon we could meet for lunch before I go to work."

"That sounds great! Any specific place in mind?"

"Not really, I mean, it's whatever you like I guess."

"Okay, I'll surprise you then!" He sounded like a little boy who had just receive a new toy.

"I like surprises. Well, I have to go, where do you want to meet?"

"Where do you live? I'll pick you up there."

Kagome panicked. She didn't want him to see the extravagant home she lived in. "I, um, well, we've been staying with my friend Sango so you can just pick me up here. I'll text you the address later."

"Okay, well, see you tomorrow Kagome."

The line went dead and she stared at the phone in disbelief. She was going on her first date in two years and she realized something. She had no idea how to act on a date. With Sesshoumaru everything had come naturally. She was herself, he was himself, and together they were perfect. When it came to real world dating, she was at a complete loss. The look in her eyes was a mix of excitement and fear. She was excited at the prospect of moving on with her life, but at the same time afraid that she was going about it the wrong way.

As if reading her mind Sango laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It will be okay. You're ready, you just have to be yourself and everything will be fine," she whispered.

Kagome shook her head and smiled sadly. "That's the problem. I'm not really sure I know who I am. I've never been a _me_ before. There was always us, but never me, for both of us, or so I thought."

"Sesshoumaru loved you, but he's gone and you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for him to return."

"If he loved me so much..." Kagome's eyes turned angry. "If he cared as much as everyone says then how could he just walk out on our life! I loved him with everything I had in me, was it not enough? Were Rin and I not good enough? Every night I pray that he will return and in the that same statement I wish that he would stay gone because I don't face what truth he has for me. We were finally going to be mated, just like we should have been years ago. We have a wonderful daughter who loves her father and thinks the world of him. How could he walk away from that without even an explanation? I can understand walking away from me, we weren't mates, we were nothing, but his own child. I just don't get it. What did I do wrong?"

Sango pulled her now sobbing friend to her chest and brushed the hair away from her forehead, just the way her mother always had when she was upset. "Everything happens for a reason. You can't beat yourself up because he left. You need to stand up and move on to prove that you are strong and brave and that even though you are a little broken you can make it through this and be a stronger person in the end."

She knew Sango was right. If she could get through this then she would make it through anything. She just wasn't sure she could make it through this...

--

"Mommy, can we go get ice cream today?" Rin asked as she bounced around on Sango's couch.

"Not today honey. Mommy has a... meeting," Kagome replied as she put a movie in the DVD player.

Rin wrinkled her nose. "A meeting on a Saturday?"

Kagome turned to her daughter and put a hand on her hip. "Yes, a meeting on a Saturday, then I have to work at my other job."

"That's stupid."

"Rin Takahashi! What have I told you about using that word?"

The little girl sighed. "That it's a bad word and I shouldn't use it."

"Exactly, now mommy has to go get ready for her meeting. Sit here and watch your movie and I'll be done by the time it's over."

"Okay."

Kagome walked through the kitchen and toward the bathroom. "You know at some point you're going to have to tell her that you are dating her teacher," Sango whispered from her spot leaned against the counter

"I am not dating her teacher, I am having lunch with him," Kagome said defensively.

"Oh really and that doesn't constitute as a date?"

Kagome put her hands on her hips. "If it does then we are not dating, we are going on _a_ date."

"Whatever, you're still going to have to eventually tell her the truth. You can't let her go on forever thinking that Sesshoumaru is going to reappear and things will go back to the way they were. Even if he did decide to come back I doubt things would ever be the same."

"I'm not ready to tell her. She's still too young."

"So... what happens if things get serious with this guy? What will you tell her then? 'Oh it's okay honey, daddy might still come back and somehow we'll find room for him in our dysfunctional family.' That won't work and you know it. The longer you hold off on telling her the harder it will be for her to accept."

"You sound like my mother."

"Maybe that's what you need right now. You seem so hell bent on making Sesshoumaru come out smelling like roses. Is it because you are trying to protect Rin, or is it that you are trying to protect yourself?"

Kagome glared at her friend. "Get off my back. What I choose to tell or not tell my daughter is none of your concern."

"You don't want to go there with me Kagome," Sango warned, her eyes beginning to narrow angrily.

"Oh don't I? Everyone seems to know what's best for _my_ daughter. I get so tired of people telling me how to raise her!"

Sango stepped away from the counter and came inches from her friend. "Who took care of her when Sesshoumaru left and you couldn't even get out of bed? Who helped you when you didn't even have the money to put food on the table? Who takes care of her, no charge, so that you can pay your bills? Don't you _ever_ tell me that I'm not allowed to be concerned about that little girl. I have done so much for both of you and if this is how you're going to repay me then get out and don't come crawling back to me when your life is in shambles and you can't even pick yourself up off the ground."

Kagome wiped her tears as she leaned against the wall and dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry... I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

Sango kneeled in front of her and pulled her into a hug. "You're going through a rough time. What you and Sesshoumaru had was dynamic and to move on from that, to give up on him coming back, can't be easy. I understand that things aren't going to be okay for you for a while, but I promise you will get to a point where the only place left to go is up. It won't hurt forever."

"Are you sure? Everyday that I wake up to an empty bed my heart breaks. I want him to come back and I would give up everything to have him here with me. Am I wrong to go out and date when I still feel this way?"

"No, you have to start somewhere and if that means going on a few dates despite still having feelings for Sesshoumaru then I say go for it. If you don't get out there and into the world you will never be able to move on with your life. You can't spend everyday praying that he returns because you're just going to end up even more hurt in the end. I love you Kagome, you're my best friend and my sister, but I can't keep helping you hold things together."

"I know... It's just so hard, accepting that he's never coming back. It's like before I knew he wouldn't, but I could still hope and now... I feel like I'm throwing that hope out the window."

Sango sighed. "Maybe that's what it's going to take to finally move on with your life."

--

"So... what made you decide to become a teacher?" Kagome asked nervously. They were sitting in a fancy french restaurant, which was pretty well empty since they had just missed the lunch rush. She had figured out that he liked to be called Hojo instead of Akitoki, which was a name passed down through his family for generations. They had talked a little about Rin and even less about Sesshoumaru. Most of the conversation had been about him and Kagome preferred it that way.

"Well, I always loved school and learning. I was a bit of a nerd growing up, actually I still am. I knew when I was just a child that I wanted to help other people have the same love of learning that I do. That's why I chose to teach younger children. Their love of life in general is untainted by the ways of the world and they put their all into everything they do. I would love to teach more advanced curriculum, but older kids already have it set in their mind how they feel about learning and life. If I can teach just one child to have the love of learning that I do then I have reached my goal. Actually I think your daughter is that student." Hojo smiled at Kagome and she smiled back with the pride only a parent could feel.

"I'm very glad she's interested in learning. She get's it honestly, her father loves learning! I never understood it, but he could sit for hours in his study reading history books and he'd sound like a little kid who just got a new toy when he'd tell me about what he'd read." Her eyes had a far away look and the smallest smile graced her features. Suddenly her eyes darkened and she dropped her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sure the last thing you want to talk about is her father."

Hojo gave her an understanding look. "It's okay. It can't be easy having him suddenly leave like that."

"It wasn't. Actually I was a pretty big mess when he left, I couldn't even get myself out of bed and Sango had to take care of Rin for me. I think it was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, but I'm stronger for it."

"That's good. We haven't talked much about you. Where do you work?"

"I work for Kaede, she gave me a job when I finally picked myself up off the floor. It's not much, but it's a paycheck."

"And your other job?"

Kagome looked away. "I don't talk about it. I'm kind of ashamed."

He nodded. "There really isn't anything to be ashamed of as long as you aren't doing anything illegal and you're only doing it to better your family."

"I guess." Her eyes were sad. "I still just wish I could do better for my daughter. I wish I was able to give her everything she wants."

"That's the wish of all parents, but to be honest, even if you could give her everything you would still feel like it wasn't enough. Rin has everything she needs and that's what truly matters."

Kagome looked away as she fought back the tears. "Not everything..." she whispered softly.

His hand on hers startled her. "I know this must be hard for you and I thank you for giving me a chance. Any man who could walk out of a family like the one you have is crazy. You have a wonderful daughter and you are a wonderful mother to her."

"I wish I could see myself through your eyes. I feel like I must not be good enough if he could just walk out and never look back."

Hojo squeezed her hand. "Don't ever doubt your worth. I'm so sorry that he has made you question your value and I just hold the hope that someday I can make you see how worthy you really are."

Her eyes glistened as she looked into his. She searched for any hint of a joke or a lie and seeing none she smiled. "I remember a time when I could hold so much hope. Thank you for the lunch, but I really must be getting to work."

He nodded. "I've really enjoyed our time together and I hope that you have too. We should do this again sometime."

"I'll check my schedule, maybe next time we can make it dinner and a movie."

"I'm holding you to that Higurashi."

Her smile broke a little, but she turned quickly so he couldn't see. Sesshoumaru had always called her Higurashi unless he was being serious. She cursed as the tears spilled and once she got outside she ran. She ran away from her feelings, away from Sesshoumaru, away from everything. She didn't know where she was going, but her mind kept telling her she wasn't far enough away, she wasn't running fast enough. The city flew by her and people glared as she bumped into them, but she didn't care. Her body screamed at her to stop, but her mind told her to keep going. She barely heard her cell phone ringing and ignored it. Right now she didn't know what was fueling her, but she couldn't stop. Her heart pounded, threatening to explode. Her breath was ragged and uneven. The sweat was running into her eyes and she had no concept of time. She didn't know how long she'd been running, but suddenly her body started slowing down. When she couldn't run she walked. When she could no longer walk she collapsed and heaved, trying to breath.

People looked at her like she was crazy, but nobody stopped to help. Once she could finally breath she sat back and looked around. The tears came swiftly and silently when she realized where she was. This was the park that Sesshoumaru had taken her to ask her to marry him. She looked at a couple cuddling on the same bench he had led her to that day. She wanted to scream at the girl to run while she could. That love was a curse not a blessing. And that without it, life isn't worth living.

--

Angel: Ok, kind of an abrupt ending I know, but time is short these days. I work 9 hour days and still have to find time to be a mother, wife, friend, and writer. I do hope that you all understand. Barring any serious interruptions the next chapter will be up in about two weeks.


	3. The Past

I am a little disappointed by my dokuga turn out. Only one person reviewed for chapter two. On the flip side I got MANY reviews from my following from . So I guess it balances out. And I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your review, I promise I read and enjoyed them all, but I worked 60 hours last week and didn't have time for anything.

**Thinking of You**

**by Wick3d Ang3l**

**Chapter Three: The Past**

The rain was cold and unrelenting to her sorrow. Mother nature could be so cruel and uncaring.

Kagome sat on the bench that the couple had long abandoned and shivered as her tears were mixed with the rain and washed away. Her body begged her to find shelter, but she refused to budge. Maybe she would be lucky and she would catch her death, then she would never have to feel the pain of life without him again.

Sesshoumaru Takahashi had been the man of her dreams and her only love. He was hardened by a difficult life, the complete opposite to her innocence and in her eyes they were perfect together, he was perfect. He was much older than her by human standards. He was almost 180 years old when they met. She was a child and completely in love. Her mother used to scold her for following him everywhere, telling her it was bad to bother demons. The most he ever did was growl at her when she was really getting on his nerves. His brother on the other hand couldn't stand her and always pushed her away or ran faster than she could chase him. Once he pushed her down hard and made her cry. Sesshoumaru had picked her up and helped her brush the dirt away. He told her that in her life many people would push her down and that no matter how badly it hurt the best revenge was getting back up and proving that you were stronger than they thought. That was the day she knew for sure that she would spend the rest of her life with him.

It was strange how life always changed ones plans. She gave him the best she had and he abandoned her. He left and never looked back just when they were finally going to complete their dreams. They were finally going to be married and mated after waiting for so long.

When she and Sesshoumaru had started actually dating, her mother wasn't worried. She said she was sure it was just a phase and that Kagome would grow out of it. As they got more serious, she decided to lay down the law. She may not have known everything about demons, but she knew enough. She told Kagome that if she was serious about being with Sesshoumaru then she should wait until she was twenty years old before making any serious plans to make sure it was what she wanted. Kagome had rolled her eyes, but Sesshoumaru was a man of honor and if that was Kagome's mother's wish then he would wait.

She cursed her mother daily for that. If she hadn't told them to wait then maybe he wouldn't have been able to leave. Of course demons could abandon a mate, but only with the permission of the council. The council was a group of ancient demons that made the laws and rules all demons had to follow. Sesshoumaru's father was on the council along with several other demons that had served beside him in the great wars of the past. Kagome couldn't remember all of their names, but she remembered the day Sesshoumaru took her before the council and asked for their permission to mate her. As a general rule demons were not allowed to mate with humans. They could conceive children, as they had already done, but not mate unless special permission was given by the council. Sesshoumaru told her it would be a long process to get the council to agree, but she didn't care. If it meant she could spend eternity wrapped in his arms then she was willing to do anything. There were questions and deliberations and it took two years, but they waited.

Kagome was almost twenty-two when the decision was made. Sesshoumaru's father was the one to deliver the news. He sat them down in the den of the family home and told them that the arrangements for the ceremony would be made immediately. Kagome remembered that day as one of the happiest of her life, but it was shortly followed by one of the saddest.

**--Two Years Ago--**

"Sesshoumaru!" Kagome called as she trotted into the house happily. She had just dropped Rin off at her mother's for the night and picked up some groceries to make a romantic dinner. She dropped the bags on the counter and headed toward his study where he was usually going over documents for work or reading one of his novels.

She tiptoed quietly toward the door, knowing full well he would be expecting her. Her face was contorted into confusion when she peeked around the corner and he wasn't there. A sly smile crossed her face as a noise from the bedroom caught her attention. He had to be waiting for her, possibly hoping for some before dinner fun. She moved swiftly and silently to the edge of the door then jumped into the doorway, ready to pounce. When she saw him standing at the dresser, her face dropped.

"What are you doing?" her voice was quiet and he seemed startled to find her standing there.

His eyes were bloodshot and he turned away with no response.

She looked around and her eyes stopped on a half-packed suitcase sitting on their bed. This time her voice was more forceful. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving," was his simple reply. His voice seemed distant and sad.

She couldn't contain the cold laugh that escaped her lips. "That's really funny," she said walking toward him. "Come on, I stopped at the store and picked up some groceries so we could have a romantic din--"

When he turned around her voice caught in her throat. His eyes were red and puffy, his face was stained with tears, and now she knew he wasn't joking. "Kagome..." He reached for her and she pulled away.

The look on her face was one of betrayal. "Why? Where are you going?"

"I can't tell you..."

"That's bullshit! Why are you leaving?"

"I..." he dropped his head and put more clothes in the suitcase. "I wish I could tell you more."

"I'm your fiancee! I'm the mother of your child for Kami's sake! You should be able to tell me anything!"

His face dropped. "Kagome, I just can't."

"What about Rin? Maybe this is my fault, maybe I did something and didn't realize it, but that little girl loves you more than life! What will this do to her?"

"It's nothing you've done and Rin will understand with time."

"Really? I'm pretty sure she won't, I know I sure as hell don't!"

He pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to her as he headed toward the door. "Please, just know that I love you."

She threw the letter onto the bed and grabbed his arm. "You can't leave... Everything is finally falling into place, our life is finally going to be complete."

"I'm sure you will find someone new who can love you the way you deserve to be loved."

Tears streamed down her face as she fell to her knees. "I don't want someone else. I want you. I love you. Always only us, remember?"

He looked down at her. "Always only us..." he whispered. Pain was clear in his eyes, but his voice stayed smooth and steady. "I love you too, but I have to go. I just want to..." his voice trailed off.

"You just want to what? If you're going to leave, you could at least tell me why."

"My job is to keep my family safe and if this is what I have to do for that then I'm going to."

"What do you mean keep us safe?"

"I can't say anymore. Now I have to go. Just promise me you'll try to find happiness without me."

"You want me to try to find what? Sesshoumaru, there is no happiness without you." Her eyes pleaded and he looked away.

"If that's the price then so be it."

"So be it? That's your response, so be it. Goddamn it Sesshoumaru, I'm talking about spending the rest of my life in sadness and all you can say is so be it!?"

"This isn't easy for me either Kagome. Rin will be okay, you're a great mother and I know you will take good care of her."

"Who's going to take care of me?" Her voice was broken.

His voice hardened. "You are a grown woman, and you can take care of yourself. You don't need someone to take care of you."

There was no more pleading, no more words shared between them. She threw herself at him and held on for dear life. He wrapped his arms around her in one last embrace. He kissed her lips softly then he was gone. She stood in the doorway as he got in his car and drove away, shocked and confused, angry and hurt. How could he leave when life was finally going right for them? What had she done to make him take off without so much as an explanation?

**--The Present--**

Her eyes were glossy and forlorn, as if she just had her heart smashed into a thousand pieces. Her body shivered against the cold rain, but her expression never changed. Inuyasha frowned. He hadn't seen Kagome in almost two years, since she begged him to tell her where Sesshoumaru was and he had refused. He and his half brother may not see eye to eye on much, but he knew there were times when Sesshoumaru was not to be denied and this was one of them.

He took off his jacket and put it over her shoulders. She looked up and then away. "What are you doing here?" her voice was empty.

"I got a call about some woman sitting in the rain out here, I thought I'd come check it out. I never expected it to be you," he replied as he took a seat beside her.

"Just leave me alone."

"I can't do that. You'll catch your death out here, then who will take care of my niece?"

She looked at him and realized he was right. No matter how bad things were Rin still needed her. "Can you give me a ride?"

"Sure, where to?"

"Sango's house, she's watching Rin for me."

"Okay, let me call Kikyo and let her know." She nodded and watched him walk out of ear shot to make the phone call. "I love you too," she heard as he walked back toward her. There was a time she had hated Kikyo because Inuyasha loved her, but now she was happy for them both.

"How have you been?" she asked after they got into his car.

"I've been okay." His face lit up with a broad smile. "Kikyo is pregnant."

"How is Kale taking the news?"

"He's excited about being a big brother. He wasn't really sure how to feel at first, but he's coming around to the idea now that it's getting closer to the baby's due date."

She nodded and looked out the window. She had dreamed of having more children, but that was shattered now. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Kikyo said she doesn't want to know, but I can scent the sex, it's a girl."

"Congratulations..." her voice was sad. Right before Sesshoumaru left they had decided they wanted to have another baby. She was planning on stopping her birth control pills that very month.

"I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make things easier."

Kagome didn't say anything as she watched the world go by out her window. She wanted to scream at him, tell him there was something he could do, that he could tell her where Sesshoumaru was so she could finally make her family whole again. She wanted to curse at him, tell him it wasn't fair that he got to be happy while she was miserable.

She turned to him and gave a sad smile when they pulled up in front of Sango's house. "You guys should come out to the house sometime. It gets lonely and quiet out there and I'm sure Rin and Kale would have fun."

"Okay I'll call you and we can make plans."

"Goodbye Inuyasha."

"Bye, talk to you later."

Sango was standing at the door waiting when she walked up to the house. "Where the hell were you? The bar has called like ten times, Hojo stopped by worried about you, and I called your cell like a thousand times."

Kagome looked away. "I just needed to get away."

"Well next time can you at least let me know how I can get a hold of you in case something happens to your daughter?" she said angrily, then took in her friend's appearance. "Oh my god Kagome, you're soaked to the bone. Go get a towel and I'll get you some dry clothes."

Kagome nodded and stepped into the foyer, closing the door behind her. She pulled Inuyasha's drenched jacket off her shoulders as she walked into the bathroom and hung it on the shower curtain rod. She slowly undressed and looked at herself in the full length mirror. She was disgusted by what she saw. The woman staring back at her was pale and too thin. Her hips jutted out and looked like there was only a thin layer of tissue paper covering them, her ribs showed clearly, and her wet hair just made her look worse. She shook her head and wrapped a towel around herself. Ever since Sesshoumaru left she had been depressed and hadn't taken care of herself. She always promised to start eating better and gaining a little weight back, but it never happened.

A tap on the door drew her out of her thoughts. "Kagome, I have some dry night clothes for you. I think you and Rin should stay here tonight."

Kagome opened the door and took the clothes from her friend. "Thank you Sango... for everything. You've been there for me through all of this and I know I haven't been the best friend in return."

"It's okay. You've been going through something that nobody understands and that can't be easy. You'll just owe me when everything gets back to normal," she joked.

Kagome smiled a little. "Come on, you know we're anything but normal!"

Both women laughed. "That's true. Well, get dressed and come to the kitchen. I'm making chicken noodle soup."

"Yes mom," Kagome said closing the door and getting dressed. Sure she and Sango had their moments, but she knew in all the world she couldn't find a better friend.

--

Inuyasha glared angrily at the phone on his desk. "How much longer until you have a solid case?"

"I don't know, they cover their tracks very well," came a stoic voice from the other end.

He sighed. "I saw her today... She was sitting out in the rain on the bench where you proposed."

"How is she?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"Not good. She's thin and looks so sad and tired. She misses you... Can't you just come back and finish the preparations here?"

"No, it's not safe."

"Leaving her alone like that is? She's dying, do you even care?"

His brother growled and Inuyasha heard something crash. "How dare you doubt my love for her?! Who are you to question it? If I could come back, you know I would, but I can't, it's not safe for them."

"Then you need to get this done so you can get back. I was with her some today. I can feel her life force draining."

"I know..."

--

Angel: Okay, that was kind of a cliffy and it's short... sorry. Just to make it very clear because I'm sure someone will ask, Kagome is not dying from anything medical, what Inuyasha means is that she's not taking care of herself, she's dying of a broken heart. I personally think this could have been better, but I've been really busy with work and family so I didn't really have the time to focus on this.


	4. His Side

Angel: I know you all think I'm evil! I left it in a cliffy when we were possibly going to hear Sesshoumaru's side of the story!

Izzy: She's a wench sometimes. She won't even tell me where she's going with it and I'm her best friend!

Angel: Yea, she wanted me to tell her so she could work on it too since I've been working a LOT lately, but I told her no and now she's upset about it.

Izzy: Am not! I just don't think it's fair. I helped you with 'Just Sex?' and now you are going to close me out of this one!

Angel: Well, you'll just have to wait like everyone else.

Izzy: That's what you think, I'll just look while you're at work! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA

**Thinking of You**

**by Wick3d Ang3l**

**Chapter Four: His Side**

Sesshoumaru growled as he ended the call to his brother. He detested the half breed anyway and now for Inuyasha to doubt the love he held for Kagome was just uncalled for. He wished it was as simple as just going back and reclaiming his family, but he knew that even when this was over and he went back things would still never be the same. Kagome would be a different person and so would he.

The picture sitting on his desk brought back so many memories. He had hired a professional to come out to their house and take the photographs. Rin was crabby because she had missed her nap and he was impatient because the 'professional' had no idea what she was doing. He remembered Kagome smiling as she watched him try to calm Rin, who was sitting in the middle of the flower patch crying.

_"You're sadistic," he said walking over and sitting beside her._

_"Oh really, how so?" she replied leaning against his arm._

_"How can you sit here and smile while she cries?"_

_"Because I know she's just tired and she's only crying for attention. If you ignore her for a little while I promise she'll stop."_

_He crossed his arm. "What if something is really wrong?"_

_She smiled and placed a hand on his. "I promise you, if something was wrong we would know. She's just tired and upset."_

_"How is it that you have all this stuff down to an art and I've lived for 200 years and I still don't get it?"_

_She shrugged. "It's a mom thing."_

Sure enough she'd been right. They sat and talked to each other and the photographer and after a few minutes Rin walked over and tugged on the hem of Kagome dress. Finally they got their picture. He and Kagome sat beside each other with Rin holding his face in a smile because he wouldn't do it. The light in Kagome's eyes was intoxicating and he smiled a little. If only she knew how much he missed her.

A knock on his door brought his thoughts back to the present. "Enter," he stated harshly.

He cringed his nose as the little toad demon skittered into the room. He detested the stupid man, but he had to admit Jaken was loyal to a fault. "Milord! You must come to the lounge at once. A certified letter just arrived and there are special instructions that only you are to sign for it."

Sesshoumaru growled. How dare someone have the audacity to request a man of his importance to be disturbed? He stood and walked toward the lobby, Jaken close behind. The woman standing at the desk tapped her fingers impatiently. "Can I help you?" Sesshoumaru asked from behind her, his voice daring her to anger him.

Her eyes widened in fear as she looked up at the man standing before her. His eyes were cold and his body language pretty much told her if she pissed him off she was dead.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

She reached the envelope in his direction and he snatched it out of her hand. "I-- you-- Can you please sign this?" she asked, finally finding her voice.

He growled as he signed the paper on the clip board and shoved it back at her. Her eyes were wide and she looked as if she might cry. "Leave!" he snarled. She nodded and ran out the door. Sesshoumaru could smell the salt in the air as the door swung shut behind her.

Jaken cowered as his boss turned to him. "Ye.. yes milord?"

"If I am disturbed again it had better be because the gods themselves are standing in this lobby or so help me I will kill you and it will not be pleasant." Without another word he disappeared into the elevator. The letter in his hand called to him, but the instructions on the front were clear. 'Open only in the privacy of your office.'

He locked the door behind him as he walked into his office. He wasn't stupid, but he knew the return address by now. The letter was from someone in the Onigumo family. He opened it and pulled out a folded piece of paper, causing a few pictures to fall out onto his desk face down.

_My dear friend Sesshoumaru:_

_It has been quite some time since we've spoken, how are you? I would tell you how I am, but I've found a few of your men snooping around so I'm sure you already know. Your daughter is growing up quite well and Kagome is... well lets just say I wish it was me sharing a bed with her instead of that new guy I've seen around._

Sesshoumaru growled, how dare they go near his family... and who was this man they were talking about.

_Oh I can see the fuming look on your face now, how deliciously predictable. Don't worry, I don't think they've been to bed together... yet. I've got a couple pictures of them enclosed in this letter. There are some pictures of your daughter too, you've missed so much. You know, Kagome tells her that you were kidnaped... I wonder what she would think of her wonderful father if she found out you abandoned them. Perhaps someone should tell her the truth about her father, does Kagome even know the truth of why you left? I would guess not since she seems to still love and miss you. If only she knew what kind of person you really were. Oh well, I guess that secret will stay between us for now._

_You should see Kagome at work. God that outfit is sexy. She's waited on me a few times, but I don't think she even remotely knows who I am. I always make sure to leave her a big tip, I mean the poor woman IS raising a child by herself. Wouldn't it be just horrible for Rin if something happened to her mother? Or maybe it would crush Kagome more if something happened to the only thing she has left of you... Of course I could always take care of both of them, but what would stop you from coming after me then? I'm sure you of all people understand what I'm getting at, being as you used to wipe out whole families to get your way and all. I'm sure I don't have to spell out what I mean. _

_Goodbye and best wishes,_

_Your friend,_

_Naraku_

Sesshoumaru crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room. He knocked things off his desk and threw the chair at the wall. How dare Naraku threaten his family. He was so close and now... Someone in his ranks made a mistake and would pay dearly. Two years of investigation, two years of infiltration, two years wasted. He dropped to the floor and placed his head in his hands. It seemed like it'd been so long since he had been happy. So long since love was the only thing that mattered. He looked down and a picture of Kagome smiled up at him, except it wasn't him she was smiling at. He tried to be angry at her for moving on, but wasn't that what he had told her to do? That day seemed like a blur, so much had happened then and since then.

--**Two Years Ago**--

Sesshoumaru smiled as he pulled into the driveway. Kagome wasn't home, which meant he had time to set up a nice romantic bubble bath and maybe go to the gardens to get some fresh flowers for her. Oh yes, tonight would be a good night.

He grabbed his briefcase and walked to the door, after fumbling with his keys for a second he found the right one and opened the door. Instantly he could feel that something was wrong. He could sense another presence and it wasn't his beloved Kagome. He sat his briefcase on the counter quietly and walked into the living room. All the shades were drawn and a figure was sitting on the couch in front of him. He recognized her immediately. "Kagura," he hissed as if her very name was poison. "What are you doing here?"

Kagura stood and walked toward him. "Oh dear Sesshoumaru, I've come by for a visit, I thought you'd be happy to see me."

He snarled as she reached out and touched his arm. "What do you want?"

She pouted as she walked past him and picked up a picture of him with Kagome and Rin. "Cute family."

He grabbed frame out of her hand and glared at her. "What do you want?" he repeated.

"You know what I want Sesshoumaru so why even ask?" She leaned against the wall and looked him over. "My brother is a vengeful man and he still hasn't forgotten how you used our family."

"I am a very successful man, I can give him all the money he wants."

Her cold laughter filled the room. "As if money could dissuade him from his goal. You know he prefers blood, pain, and suffering."

He shook his head. "I left that life behind me. I will not kill again."

Kagura shrugged. "If he doesn't get what he wants he will just kill your family. Either way he gets his revenge."

"Do not touch my family."

"I won't as long as you do as we ask."

"Fine, I'll do whatever you want, just leave my family out of it."

"A wise decision Sesshoumaru. Tonight you will leave your family behind and set up an office in one of your father's buildings in the US," she walked out the sliding doors toward a car that was parked behind the house. "Oh and Sesshoumaru, if you ever come near your family again, even so much as a letter, we will kill them."

--**The Present**--

The rest of that day was a blur. He could remember Kagome crying and begging him to stay. He had been harsh with her, but she just couldn't understand the multitudes of pain it was causing him as well. She had acted as if she was the only one hurting and it infuriated him, but he supposed that must have been how it looked. When he closed his eyes at night he could see her standing in the doorway. Her eyes were sad and angry. It took everything inside of him not to stop the car and run to her, to hold her and tell her he wasn't really leaving and that they would have their happily ever after.

The truth was he was almost willing to risk the safety of his family just told hold her again, but he knew what he had to do. As soon as he set up his office in the United States a letter came from Naraku. It had instructions on how he should murder a man that had crossed him in a business deal. Sesshoumaru did as he was asked. Another letter followed soon after asking him to deal with a traitor in his ranks. Again he did as he was asked. Then, there were no more letters. No more instructions. He was free to live his life, as long as he never again tried to contact Kagome or Rin.

That was when he launched his investigation of their whole organization. He sent in his best men to rise in ranks in the company. He had security posted on Naraku and Kagura's homes. It didn't matter how long it took, he was going to catch them in the act and he was going to bring them down.

Now all of that was ruined. He stood and walked over to the floor where his phone laid making all kinds of racket for having been abused in such a way. He picked up the receiver and dialed the number to his security team. As soon as the other end picked up he spoke. "Get the teams away from Onigumo," he said then hung up leaving no room for argument. He hit the intercom button and Jaken's voice stuttered back.

"Yes milord?" he said timidly.

"Jaken, call housekeeping up to my office. I'm going for a drive and if things are not in order when I return they're all fired."

"Yes, sir."

He picked up the letter, folded it, and stuck it in his pocket. Then he took the pictures that had come with the letter and locked them in a drawer in his desk. Once all of that was done he left silently through a back entrance.

The ringing of his cell phone brought him out of his thoughts as he turned down another empty road. "Hello?"

"Sesshoumaru, we need to talk," Inuyasha's voice filtered through.

He sighed. "Can't this wait?"

"No." It was then that Sesshoumaru noticed the distress of his brothers voice. "It's dad... He got sick and nobody thought anything about it, but now it's worse and..."

"And what?"

"And they don't think he's going to make it."

--

Angel: Okay, so now you all know why he left. The next chapter will have very little Sesshoumaru and will again focus on Kagome and possibly her budding relationship with Hojo. It may or not be more than two weeks this time.


	5. A Chance for Love?

Angel: Ok, I was asked why I picked Hojo to be Kagome's new man candy. Well it's simple... I'm the author and I picked him.

Izzy: Did you really expect a better explanation? Come on, this is Angel we were talking about.

Angel: Actually I picked Hojo because in the series while Kagome tries to entertain the idea of a relationship with him she has no real interest in him.

**Thinking of You**

**by Wick3d Ang3l**

**Chapter Five: A Chance for Love?**

Kagome sighed as she sat the tray she was carrying on the counter. It had been a long day and it just kept getting longer. _At least it's Sunday..._ she thought as she picked up another order. Thankfully she only had to work until ten and she would be off from this job until Thursday.

"Higurashi," she heard her boss say from behind her.

She turned and looked at him. "Yes?"

"I want you to get up there and sing again tonight."

"Sir that was a one time only deal and it's not even karaoke night."

"You would be surprised how many demands I've gotten to put you back on the stage. Play your cards right and we could just make you an attraction here."

She shook her head. "I don't want to be an attraction. I just want to do my job and go home to my daughter."

Her boss shrugged and put an envelope in her hand. "These are all the tips we got with special instructions to give them to you after your performance the other day, but if it's something you aren't interested in I understand."

Curiosity got the best of her and she opened the envelope. Just in a glance she counted 300. "Okay, so what if I start singing the nights I work. How do you benefit?"

"More people coming to see you means more people buying drinks. Of course I'll also be taking a 15 percent cut of your tips."

She thought for a second. She knew she could use the money, but at the same time she wasn't sure she wanted the attention. She sighed. She needed the money more. "Fine I'll do it, but I choose the songs I sing and if I ever decide I'm done singing that's it, I'm done."

"Sure, whatever. Just get up there and do your thing."

Kagome took a deep breath as she watched one of her co-workers get up on stage. She had decided on a song, one that described her feelings that day, one that whispered her regrets.

The girl standing in front of everyone tapped on the mic and caused everyone to turn their attention to her. "Hello everyone! I'm not really good at this stuff so let's just give a big hand to Kagome Higurashi!"

Everyone in the crowded bar looked confused as Kagome took the stage and took the mic. She closed her eyes as the music started and let it flow through her. The crowd seemed entranced as she opened her mouth and began singing.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty_

_That don't bother me._

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

_Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days now and again I pretend _

_I'm okay but that's not what gets me..._

_What hurts the most was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_Then watching you walk away_

_And never knowin' what could have been_

_And not seeing that lovin' you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do..._

Her eyes watered as she thought about all the things left unsaid. There were so many words unspoken between them, things she took for granted and assumed he knew. Maybe that was why he left. Maybe she just hadn't told him enough how much he meant to her.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doing it._

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

_Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret_

_But I know if I could do it over_

_I would trade, give away all the words that I saved_

_In my heart that I left unspoken. _

The crowd seemed to feel her pain and a few flashes of light caught her attention, but she ignored them and finished the song. Once the music ended the crowd erupted into cheers through their tears. She turned to walk off the stage then turned back to look out over the crowd.

"Before I leave I just want to say something to all of you," she said softly and everyone stopped clapping and listened intently. "Love is something very fragile and there is no telling how long it might last. If there is someone out there in the world that you care about and you haven't told them..." She wiped a tear and looked out over the crowd. "Tonight, tell them tonight how you feel because tomorrow they could be gone..." With that she left the stage.

Her boss smiled as he walked up to her. "That little speech at the end was a nice touch," he whispered as he patted her on the arm. "Did you make that up all on your own?"

She wiped her tears and nodded. "It's something I learned the hard way. There are things in this life that we can never get back and things that we will always regret. Some mistakes haunt us our whole lives." He watched dumbfounded as she walked away and returned to work.

--

"Kagome, are you still there?" Inuyasha's concerned voice echoed through the phone.

He could hear her sniffle a bit. "I'm here. How long?"

"The doctors say it could be a week and it could be a month. His immune system is weakening, but they have some treatments they are going to try on him."

"Rin should see her grandfather before..." her voice caught in her throat. Toga had always been like a father to her and she had no doubt that he was the one who pushed the council to approve the mating. Even after Sesshoumaru had left she kept in contact with him and would allow him to take Rin to the park for play dates. "When do you think he'll be up for a visit?"

"The doctors are here all day today and tomorrow morning. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yes, we'll be there as soon as I get off work." There was a silence between them. "Will he be there?"

"I don't know."

"I have to get to work. I'll see you tomorrow."

--

"Hey Kagome!" Hojo called as he jogged up behind her.

She smiled a little. "Hi Hojo. What brings you out here today?"

"We had plans remember? I told you I'd meet you after work."

She wrinkled her forehead in thought. "I'm sorry, I totally forgot. There has been a lot going on."

"Oh well, we can go out another time."

"No, let's go. I think I need the distraction." She forced on a smile when she looked at him, but her thoughts kept going back to Sesshoumaru. What would she say to him if he was there? How would she explain it to Rin? They had finally reached a place in their lives where they were okay without him and now what would happen?

"Hello?" Hojo said, his voice sounding concerned.

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"No I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked where you wanted to go... Look if you don't feel up to it we don't have to go tonight."

"It's not that, I just..." Why couldn't she just tell him that she didn't want to go or that she wasn't even that interested in him? Then again Sango was really excited for her to be dating again and she really did need to move on at some point. "Sesshoumaru's father is sick and I have to take Rin to see him tomorrow."

"Oh, is, uh..." He didn't have to ask. She knew just by the change in his voice what he wanted to ask but couldn't.

"I don't know, I asked his brother but he said he didn't know either. To be honest I don't even know if they still speak..."

"Well, like I said, if you don't feel up to going out we don't have to. Actually, why don't we stay in? I'll make us dinner and we can watch a movie or something."

A warm smile graced her features. "That sounds really great. Just let me call Sango and let her know where I will be."

--

Kagome laughed as she threw a piece of burnt potato at Hojo.

"Hey, I told you I was a horrible cook!" he said throwing his hands up in mock defense.

"Well, it's okay. Thank goodness pizza is just a phone call away, but I'm not really that hungry. Why don't we just watch a movie?"

"Okay," he replied and grabbed the remote. They sat down on the couch together and he pressed play.

Kagome burst into laughter as the movie 'Over the Hedge' started on the screen. "Um, don't get me wrong, this is a great movie, Rin's favorite actually, but tonight I'd rather be an adult if you don't mind."

Hojo blushed as he stopped the movie. "My sister and my nephew were over earlier, they must have watched a movie..." She watched as he dug through a cabinet of movies. "Have you seen 'Prom Night'?"

"Not yet, I was going to watch it with Sango if I ever had the time."

"Well, tonight is your lucky night. I happen to have it right here," he said as he popped the movie into the DVD player.

--

Kagome buried her face into his arm as yet another person was brutally murdered. "Jesus, is that all that happens in this movie?" she asked as she peeked at the screen just in time to see the blood splatter.

"Pretty much, it's just your run of the mill blood and guts slasher flick," Hojo replied as he eased his arm around her.

"Well if I had known that I wouldn't have watched it!" This time when she turned to bury her face in his arm she met his eyes looking into hers. Before she knew it their lips connected. There was passion and flare and heat ran through her body, a feeling she hadn't felt since Sesshoumaru left. Suddenly her body stiffened and she pulled away. "I have to go."

Disappointment shown in his eyes, but his voice stayed even and calm. "Is everything okay? I mean, I'm not moving too fast am I?"

"It's not that, it's just..." There she was again, unable to find the words to tell him that she just wasn't interested in him. "I have a lot to do tomorrow and I need to get my rest."

"Well, okay," he said, standing with her. He pulled her to him and she felt like she would be sick.

His arms around her felt wrong. It wasn't like when Sesshoumaru would hold her. It wasn't tender and soft, it was rushed and unwanted. "I really need to go. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day," she whispered, releasing herself from his grasp and practically running to the door. Once she got to her car she took a deep breath. How could she have ever fooled herself into thinking that anyone would compare to her perfect Sesshoumaru?

--

Angel: Okay throw things at me later, this has been a very long week and next week will most likely be just as bad since I have two appointments and work all week. I will periodically work on the story and hopefully have the next update up within two weeks.

Izzy: She really has been crazy busy! You should see her running around like a maniac, it's pretty funny.

Angel: You know what else is funny?

Izzy: No, what?

Angel: My fist in your face.

Izzy: Well, that's not very funny...

Angel: Oh by the way, the song is 'What Hurts the Most' the Rascal Flats version not Cascada, she butchured that song :(


	6. The Visit

Angel: Wow, sorry this took so long. I had a really hard time writing this chapter. It took me more than a week to finally make up my mind on what I wanted to see happen in this chapter, then when I finally sat down to write it I got through a very difficult part to and decided I loved it my electric went out, sadly the last time I stopped to save it was the end of the section before that... Have you ever written something you thought was awesome then couldn't recreate it no matter how hard you tried? Well that's what happened. So now I'm okay with it, but it's not the original and it doesn't feel the same. Then when I was almost done with this I got the new Guitar Hero game, so I spent like a week doing nothing but working and playing that :)

Izzy: Stop making excuses and get on with it!

Angel: Shouldn't you be going to work, or better yet, apartment hunting?

Izzy: Ouch! Oh and she put some igpay atinlay in here so good luck! LOL

Angel: Seriously, it's one line and I had to do it because almost the exact thing happened with my niece.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this story, they belong to one Ms. Rumiko Takahashi. If I owned them Kagome would ditch that loser Inuyasha and get with a real man, er, demon! Oh and Sesshoumaru would wear almost nothing so I could stare.

**Thinking of You**

**by -Wick3d Ang3l-**

**Chapter Six: The Visit**

Rin wiggled excitedly in her seat as she waited for her school day to end. That morning her mom had told her that they were going to visit Grandpa Toga. She always loved visiting him because he loved playing and he always gave her candy. She was a little sad because mommy had told her Grandpa was sick, but she had colds before and she had seen her mommy get sick so she knew he would be okay.

"Rin, do you have the answer?" Mr. Hojo asked from the front of the class.

Rin blushed. "I'm sorry Mr. Hojo. I wasn't really paying attention..."

"Then you can stay during lunch and tell me what's so important that you can't focus on your studies."

Rin nodded. "Yes Mr. Hojo."

---

Kagome sighed as she watched the minutes tick by. Her stomach felt sick and started doing flips as it got closer and closer to time to leave. She still didn't know what she would do if Sesshoumaru was there. She hoped he would have enough courtesy to stay away from Rin and not confuse her further if he was just going to leave again. She shook her head as another thought entered. What if he wanted to come back? How would she react to that? Would she be able to tell him no, or would she bring him back and hope that things could someday go back to normal? She dropped her head to her desk with a thud, why did her life always have to be so complicated?

"Whoa, what's wrong with you today?" she heard someone ask.

She looked up to see her boss standing at the edge of her desk. "Ugh, Kaede, I can't even begin to tell you."

"Well, maybe you can tell me about this," Kaede replied dropping a news paper in front of her. On the front of the entertainment page was her picture with the headline "Higurashi knows 'What Hurts the Most.'"

"You have GOT to be kidding me..." She dropped her head to her desk with another thud. "Seriously, I give up. I just wanted to make a little extra money to help with the bills, I didn't want attention." Her heart sank as she skimmed through the article attached.

_'Last night I think there were angels in Tokyo, or at least one. Anyone who was at the 'Royal Dream' to see Kagome Higurashi knows exactly what I mean. This was not her first performance and I'm sure I'm not the only one praying it was not her last. The audience can feel her heartbreak through her choice of song and beautiful, almost chilling, voice._

_For those of you who don't know or don't remember Ms. Higurashi has felt more than her fair share of heartache. Just two years ago she was engaged to be married to Toga Takahashi's eldest son Sesshoumaru, who has since seemingly vanished from the face of the earth. Now she is a single mother, left to care for the couples daughter, working two jobs to pay the bills. _

_On the note of the Takahashi family, it seems they are having their own share of troubles as head of the family, Toga Takahashi, fights an unknown illness. Reports say he won't make it to the end of the month and with his eldest son and heir, Sesshoumaru, missing nobody knows where the family is headed.'_

She sighed. Just what she wanted, her face plastered all over and her family's business becoming the talk of the town.

"Why didn't you tell me you were working at a bar?"

"I was ashamed. I didn't want you to think less of me."

"Oh please child! I have the utmost respect for a woman who does whatever she can to provide for her child. Actually we were all talking about going up to see you perform. When is the next time you get to go up on stage?"

"The next time I work, so Thursday."

"I'll be there!"

---

"Now Rin, you know you are my best student, but I cannot allow you to get away with not paying attention," Hojo said as he looked across his desk at the little girl. "I understand you have a lot on your mind, your mother told me about your grandfather."

Rin nodded. "We are going to see him today. Mommy says he's really sick and that the doctors are working really hard to make him better."

"And how is your mom? She seemed upset yesterday."

"You saw my mommy yesterday?" Rin sounded confused. Her mom had said she had a meeting, but never said it was with Mr. Hojo.

Hojo cursed in his head, apparently Kagome hadn't told Rin about their relationship. "Yes, we had a, um, meeting, about your grandfather being sick and the possibility of you missing school," he rushed out, thinking on his feet.

Rin smiled. "Oh, well you don't have to worry about me missing school! Grandpa Toga will be just fine. Can I please be excused now?"

Hojo nodded. "Go on and enjoy the rest of your lunch. Just please remember to stay focused in class." He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Things had been going so great with Kagome and he couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't told Rin they were dating yet.

---

"Rin, settle down," Kagome said sternly as she pulled the dress over her daughter's head.

"I can't help it momma! I just can't wait to see grandpa!" Rin squealed as she wiggled into her new dress. Her mom had let her pick it out on the way home from school and she couldn't wait to show it to Grandpa Toga and Uncle Inuyasha.

"Now honey, you have to remember that grandpa is very sick so he might look a little different."

"I know mommy and I promise I'll be good."

Kagome smiled and ruffled Rin's hair. "That's my girl!" Once she finished getting Rin dressed and ready she grabbed her own new dress out of the closet.

After she finished zipping it up she looked at herself in the full length mirror. The pale material hung loosely in her small frame, giving the illusion that she had at least a little weight to her. She opened her jewelry box and lovingly pulled out the thin silver chain with the large pink pearl attached. It had been a gift from Toga when she and Sesshoumaru had been told they were allowed to mate. She never wore it because she thought it seemed a bit gaudy, but for this occasion she thought it was only necessary.

She took a deep breath as she took one last glance in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back and twisted into a bun with loose curls dangling around her face. The pearl sat just above her collarbone and seemed to give off an eerie glow. The sound of her door swinging open startled her and she looked over to see her daughter staring up at her.

"Mommy you look beautiful!" Rin exclaimed.

"Thank you honey," she replied then looked down at the dainty watch on her wrist. "We better go, Uncle Inuyasha will be waiting for us."

The drive to the family mansion seemed to take forever even though it was only a half-hour drive away. Rin hummed quietly while Kagome took deep breaths. It was taking all of her nerve not to turn and drive home as fast as she could. Just the idea that seeing Sesshoumaru was a possibility caused near panic for several reasons. The number one being that she wasn't sure how she would explain it to Rin, a close second would be that she didn't know how she would react. Half of her wanted him to come home with them, the other knew that even if he did things would never be the same and then there was the small part of her that wanted to kill him for the pain he caused her. She decided she would probably spontaneously combust.

Rin bounced excitedly in her seat as they pulled up to the gates that blocked their grounds from the rest of the world. A security guard took one look inside the car and nodded to the other man standing inside the shack. Seconds later the large gates swung open and she pulled slowly in. As she watched the gates close in her rearview mirror she knew it was too late to turn back now.

Her heart raced as she stopped the car in front of the house. There were several cars parked in front, some she knew, some she didn't. Rin practically leaped from the car as she switched off the ignition. She quickly climbed out and jogged after her daughter, grabbing her hand as they reached the stairs.

"Now Rin remember, you must be on your best behavior," she reminded the squirming child as they ascended the stairs.

"I know momma, I promise!"

Kagome took a deep breath as she pressed the doorbell. When the door opened a very confused looking servant stared at them. "Mrs. Takahashi... Please come in," she stuttered.

"It's Ms. Higurashi, and thank you." Her posture was perfect and she held a natural air of elegance that most people had to work hard to gain. A silence befell the main hall as she and Rin walked in and all the attention was turned to the estranged family member.

Her heart threatened to burst until Inuyasha appeared out of the crowd and bowed slightly before her. "I'm very glad you could make it Kagome," he said as he straightened up. One glare tossed toward the group caused them all to return to their previous conversations.

"Inuyasha I don't know if I can do this..." she whispered softly.

"You'll be fine. I've already told Father you would be here."

She nodded as he took her hand and lead her away from the main hall. Rin was silent as she held her mothers hand and followed behind the pair. The looks people gave her made her uneasy and she let go of the hand and grabbed the hem of her mothers dress instead.

"Kagome, e-hay is-ay to-nay ooking-lay ood-gay."

Rin stopped and put a hand on her hip. "Uncle Inuyasha, I'm not three! I know pig latin!"

Inuyasha couldn't help but crack a smile. She was almost a carbon copy of her mother attitude and all. He shrugged and kneeled down in front of her. "I guess I just forgot how grown up you are."

The little girl wrapped her small arms around his neck and squeezed. "I guess I can forgive you this one time."

He laughed as he picked her up. "You want to know a secret?" he asked. Rin nodded. "You're just as stubborn as your mommy," he whispered softly.

Kagome put a hand on her hip. "I seem to remember a hanyou who was even more stubborn than me!"

He thought for a moment then smiled. "Ya know, you're probably right about that. I guess we've both grown up a bit haven't we?"

She pouted and crossed her arms. "Speak for yourself, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid."

The look on Rin's face was priceless. She seemed so confused as she looked up at the two adults who smiled at each other then burst into laughter. "Go on in Rin, this is Grandpa's room. Your mom and I will be in shortly."

The little girl nodded and ran into the room. Kagome caught a glimpse of Toga lying in the bed, hooked to several machines. It broke her heart to see him so helpless. "He looks so... weak," she whispered as the door closed.

Inuyasha sighed. "The doctors are doing everything they can, but they don't think he's going to hold out much longer."

She wiped away a tear. "I just can't..." her voice cracked and she sobbed into her hands. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed onto his shoulder. He rubbed soothing circles on her back and shushed quietly into her hair. After several minutes she backed away and wiped her tears. "Thanks."

He cracked a small smile. "You're welcome."

"I just can't believe all of this is going on. Toga is the strongest person I know and to see him like this... I guess it really makes me look at my own mortality." Inuyasha's ears drooped a bit at that phrase and Kagome didn't miss it. "What?"

His eyes were sad. "You haven't been taking care of yourself..."

"I know... It's just been so hard." Her eyes were distant and sad. "Do you remember my friend Eri?"

Inuyasha didn't remember all of their names, but he did remember that there were three girls she used to hang out with all the time in school.

"Well, I ran into her last month. She has two kids now, and another on the way, and while she talked about them I found that I wasn't happy for her, I was jealous. That should be me Inuyasha! We had it all and he just walked away from it," she lowered her voice to barely a whisper and looked down, "away from me."

Kagome," he started, but he didn't know what to say. "You should go inside."

She nodded. "Thanks for listening." She hugged him then opened the door to the room. The scene made a small smile cross her face. Rin sat beside Toga on the bed and toyed with his hair as she told him about her school. Toga's eyes shone and his smile couldn't be brighter. Everyone turned to look at her and the servants all filed out of the room quietly.

"Rin, why don't you go see what Uncle Inuyasha is doing?" he asked, his voice sounding worn.

The little girl hopped off the bed and nodded. "Okay! I'll make sure I come back and see you before we leave."

Kagome watched her daughter skip out of the room before turning back to her surrogate father with tears dimming her bright blue eyes.

"Now, now child, none of that," Toga said, waving her over to him and patting an empty spot on his bed.

"It's just not right, why can't the doctors do their job and make you better?" she sobbed.

"It's okay. I'm an old man Kagome, I've lived for almost a thousand years. I've seen a lot of things and I've accepted my passing."

"What will happen to the family, to the business?"

"Most of my assets will be passed to my sons, then there will be some to you and some to Rin."

"So..." she gulped, the question burning in her mind was now at the tip of her tongue. "So, does that mean Sesshoumaru will be here?"

"I won't lie to you, he will be here and he wants to see you."

Kagome turned away and wiped furiously at her tears. "He doesn't get to make those decisions anymore."

"He loves you and Rin. It's not my place to explain the circumstance of his leaving, but trust me when I tell you it wasn't his choice."

"He did have a choice. He could have told me why he was leaving, but he chose not to."

Toga growled and caused her to turn around. "You know I love you like my own pup, so you should expect me to tell you when you are acting like a child! If you honestly think Sesshoumaru would just leave his family behind with no reason then you apparently don't know him as well as I had hoped."

Kagome lowered her head in shame. "I know he would never just leave, but he could have told me what was going on."

"Did you ever think that maybe he thought he was doing the right thing by not telling you?"

"We were almost mates, he should have known he could trust me with anything."

"He thought you would be safer if you didn't know."

"Safe from what! Everyone keeps telling me that he's just trying to keep me safe! Maybe I would agree if I had even an idea of what was going on!"

Toga sat up and coughed. Kagome knelt at his side and looked at him with concern. "I'll be alright," he whispered through the coughs.

Kagome stood and covered him with a blanket. "You need some rest. I'll tell everyone you are not to be disturbed."

"Thank you."

Kagome bowed and stepped out of the room. The nurses and servants standing in the hall looked up at her then walked toward the door, but she blocked it. "Father wishes to be left alone. Anyone who sets foot in that room without good reason will have to deal with me."

They all nodded and dispersed. "That was pretty good, but I think you just scared them all half to death," she heard Inuyasha say from beside her.

She shrugged. "He needs to rest. If he needs help he knows how to get in touch with them. Besides if anything goes wrong the alarms on his machines will go off."

Inuyasha nodded. "Rin is playing with Kale and Kikyo is resting in the den. Would you like to come outside with me?"

She smiled. "I'd like that."

Inuyasha reached out a hand to her and they walked outside together. "So, what have you been up to lately?" he asked as they walked through the hedge maze.

"Work, work, take care of Rin, work... I think you get the drift."

"That's all? No friends or anything?"

"Well, of course I still hang out with Sango... that is if you count staying at her house and using her as a babysitter hanging out."

"How is she? Miroku said they haven't been spending much time together lately."

"Well, if he'd stop hitting on other women they wouldn't fight so much."

"That's probably true. Any other friends?"

"Not really..."

Inuyasha stopped and looked at he skeptically. "Now come on, I've known you long enough to know better. You're not telling me something."

"Well, there's this guy. He is Rin's teacher and he's really sweet, but I just don't see a relationship coming out of it. He seems to want one and I just can't do it."

Inuyasha frowned. "Please tell me that Sesshoumaru is not the only reason you aren't taking a chance with him."

"No, that's part of it, but also, I just don't feel any chemistry with him. When I spend time with him it's nothing like it was with Sesshoumaru, or even when I dated you."

They sat on a bench together in silence for a while. "Do ever think about what could have been?"

"Depends, what do you mean?"

"I mean..." he turned and looked at her. "You and I were a good couple, but I screwed that up. Sometimes I think about what our lives could have been like if I had never hurt you."

Kagome sighed. "I used to, right after Sesshoumaru left I wondered if I would have been better off staying with you, but you have a life with Kikyo and I knew it was selfish of me to think about taking that away."

He leaned back. "You're right. It would be selfish, but I can't help it sometimes. Especially since..." he drifted off and she turned to look at him.

"Since what?"

"I think she's cheating on me. I found a letter to her with no name on it talking about meeting somewhere. I left Kale with a sitter and followed her and she just disappeared into some office building."

"Maybe she's just looking for a job."

"You don't seriously believe that."

Kagome shrugged. "It's possible, two kids is a lot to handle, maybe she just wants to get away for a while."

"I don't love her..." he whispered. "I love you." Before she knew what was happening he grabbed her chin and their lips met.

She pushed away from him quickly. "Inuyasha, I will always love your brother and there is no way I can betray him like this."

"You said yourself you've been dating, what makes me so different?"

"Well for starters Hojo isn't married, we've never been in an unsuccessful relationship together, and he's not Sesshoumaru's brother."

Inuyasha growled. Right now the only thing he wanted to do was hurt her. "What makes you think he even still cares about you? He _left_ you with no explanation, he didn't even tell you where he was going or how to get in touch with him if anything happened to Rin. He has probably moved on and has a whole new life while you sit here wasting away waiting for him to return. How do you know he didn't just leave because he wanted to?" He knew none of it was true, but he didn't care at that moment.

Kagome's hands clenched into fists at her sides. Her eyes burned with angry tears, but she refused to cry. She kept her eyes on the ground in front of her as she stood and started to walk away.

"He doesn't love you."

She stopped and turned quickly. The sound of her hand hitting his cheek echoed through the empty maze. Her eyes bore holes into him as they burned with a rage he had never seen before. "You bastard. Don't you **ever** say anything like that to me again. I love Sesshoumaru and I know that he loves me, even if I don't understand what's going on. I swear if you ever touch me again it will be the last thing you do."

Inuyasha held a hand to his cheek as he watched her walk away. It wasn't that it hurt him physically, he was a hanyou and she was just a human, but at the same time it was the most painful thing he had ever endured. No matter what happened between them he knew he could always rely on Kagome to be there for him and now... He had never seen her look so angry and hurt and it was his fault.

---

Kagome wiped furiously at her tears, but they were constantly replaced by new ones and she finally gave up. How could Inuyasha say something like that to her? He had always been brash, he always said things without thinking, but this time... She knew he was only speaking out of anger, but part of her had to wonder if some of what he said was true. What if Sesshoumaru had moved on and left her behind? What if he had a new family, a new woman, new kids? She was sure Inuyasha had to know at least a bit of what Sesshoumaru was doing so what if that was his way of breaking the news to her? She sat and stared at her hand, which still stung from hitting Inuyasha. She had always been a calm person, she always talked through her problems, and never had she been violent, but he knew just the right buttons to push. It felt like he had stuck his finger into an open wound and twisted.

The sound of footsteps caused her to look up. "Mind if I have a seat?" the man asked as he looked down at her.

Kagome didn't know his name, but she had seen him at the bar several times. He was always sitting in her section and always left her a very generous tip. She cleared her throat and scooted over. "Go ahead."

"Thanks." He took a seat beside her and looked over at her. "It's kind of intimidating to be sitting here beside you."

Kagome scoffed. "Trust me I'm far from intimidating."

"Not true, you're kind of a celebrity, not to mention you're in ties with one of the most successful families in the world."

She shook her head. "I'm just your average girl. I still put my skirt on one leg at time."

"That's scary, gorgeous, smart, funny, and down to earth. Not a common combination."

She sat up and looked the man over. "This hardly seems fair. You have me all figured out and I don't even know your name."

"Oh, how rude of me! I'm Naraku Onigumo, I'm a business associate of Toga's." Kagome imagined that the man's smile could charm a thousand women and his eyes held a certain danger to them.

He reached out a hand and she shook it. "It's nice to officially meet you Mr. Onigumo, but I'm afraid I must be going. It's getting late and my daughter has school in the morning."

He stood and helped her stand as well. "The pleasure was all mine. I look forward to your next performance."

A chill ran up and down her spine as he watched her walk away. Something about him didn't sit well with her, but she shrugged it off and kept walking.

---

Angel: Okay, I promise I will have the next one up in a week, two tops, no more distractions! Sesshoumaru will make an appearance in the next chapter. I'm still not sure if Kagome will run into him or not so I decided to hold off on that until next chapter so you can have this one now!


	7. Fragile Hearts

**Thinking of You**

**by -Wick3d Ang3l-**

**Chapter Seven: Fragile Hearts**

A frown graced Kagome's gentle features as the people in the room couldn't seem to keep to their own conversations. It didn't help that Inuyasha's pleading had reached a volume better left for outdoor conversation.

"Kagome, I said I was sorry. It was stupid and callous of me. None of it was true!" he cried out, begging for her to at least acknowledge that she could hear him.

Her eyes hardened as she glared at every person who dared to continue staring. "Shut up," she growled, finally looking at him. Her step was light as she moved through the crowd, Inuyasha following close behind like a scolded puppy. The scene was laughable, but nobody in the room would dare crack a smile.

When they finally reached an empty hall she turned and looked him over. Her piercing gaze made him feel weak. "Kagome I--"

"No more of your lies Inuyasha," her voice was cold and stern. Suddenly her eyes changed from anger to hurt. "How could you say such awful things to me? What have I ever done to you to deserve this kind of treatment?"

His eyes were filled with guilt. Everything down to the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the other told her how sorry he really was, but she didn't care.

"If you treat Kikyo the way you treat me then I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on you."

He looked dumbfounded. The Kagome he knew would never say something like that to anyone. She always tired to make him feel better, not worse. This Kagome was someone he'd never met and wished he had never brought out. "What happened to you? You've always been the one I could turn to when I needed someone... You've always been the level headed one, always thought things through and never let anger rule your words or actions. Where did that Kagome go?"

Her eyes burned with unshed tears. "That Kagome was left standing in an empty house watching the love of her life drive away. That Kagome was left behind with no answers, even from the people she trusted most. That Kagome died two years ago when my life was ripped away from me." She turned and walked away, leaving him standing alone in the deserted hallway.

---

Rin smiled and waved as her mother walked toward her. "Momma! Look what Aunt Kikyo showed me!" she called, opening her hands and revealing a necklace made of flowers.

Kagome gave the ghost of a smile as she kneeled down in front of her daughter. "It's beautiful."

"We made one for you too! Can I put it on you?"

"Sure," she replied as Rin walked behind her. Once the necklace was secured on her neck she stood and looked down at her daughter. "Why don't you and Kale go get some more flowers and you can teach mommy how to make them?"

"Okay!"

The women watched as the children ran to go find more flowers. Kagome looked at Kikyo's pregnant belly with envy. "How much longer?"

"A few weeks, but the doctor doubts I will make it until my due date. Just what we need with everything going on," Kikyo answered.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Toga is dying, Inuyasha has been acting strange, and here I am a ticking time bomb."

Kagome nodded as she looked out into the open field. She and Kikyo had never really been friends and she didn't know what to say to her. She felt like she should tell her about the kiss, but then what about their children... Was it better to leave things unsaid for the sake of them? Or would it make their lives worse if she didn't say anything.

"So what's on your mind? You're awfully quiet."

Kagome smiled weakly. "I just have a lot on my mind. I mean, Toga has been like a father to me and now... I still haven't figured out how to tell Rin he is dying. She thinks he's just sick and will be better soon."

"We haven't told Kale yet either, but I think he can sense it."

"I suppose Rin can as well, but she hasn't said anything. Then as if things aren't hard enough Sesshoumaru will be returning soon and that opens a WHOLE new can of worms..."

Kikyo raised an eyebrow as she looked at Kagome. "Inuyasha didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Sesshoumaru arrived early this morning. He's been staying away from cameras and such because he doesn't want anyone to know, but he asked Inuyasha to tell you today."

Kagome's heart stopped. He was here and she didn't even know it. Had he been watching her? Waiting for her to be alone so he could talk to her? Did he even care at all that she was there? So many question flew through her head and made her dizzy. Her knuckles turned white as they gripped the black iron of the bench while she tried to keep her grip on reality. She could vaguely hear Kikyo calling out to her, asking if she was okay. She nodded numbly, but couldn't form the words to speak. Her eyes were glassy and she felt as though her whole world was crashing down around her.

Suddenly a little voice broke her trance. "Mommy? Is something wrong?"

Finally her breath returned to her and her lungs struggled to fill. "No, honey, I'm okay," she could hear herself answer, but couldn't recall actually saying the words. Once the world stopped spinning around her she reached out a hand to her concerned daughter. "I promise I'm fine. Now, do you want to go see grandpa Toga again before we leave?"

Rin's eyes lit up. "Oh yes mommy! Can we?"

"I have to talk to his nurses first, but I bet they will let us in."

---

Sesshoumaru sighed as he leaned against the antique desk in his father's study. It was after five and he still couldn't sense that Kagome and Rin had arrived. His cell rang and he cursed as he read the name on the caller ID. "What do you want half-breed?"

"Kagome just pulled up to the main gate, just thought you should know," Inuyasha said then hung up.

His heart nearly stopped. She was here, but the real question was, would she want to see him? He shook his head as he closed his eyes and whispered an ancient incantation. Suddenly his long silver hair turned short and blonde, his pale skin changed to an olive color, and his markings disappeared. He hated the spell, it dulled his senses, but also kept him completely incognito. He swiftly moved through the house with no altercations and stopped when he came to the main hall. His ears perked when he heard the door being opened. While the spell dulled his senses they didn't completely remove him and he moved closer to the door to hear what was being said.

"Mrs. Takahashi..." he could hear a servant stutter. "Please come in." The fact that they referred to her as his wife made him happy.

"It's Ms. Higurashi," he heard Kagome reply and his heart sank. Of course she wouldn't take well to being called Mrs. Takahashi, he had abandoned her before their wedding.

He growled softly as everyone turned to stare at her as if she were some circus event. She shifted uncomfortably under their gazes and he started to step out to stop them, but Inuyasha appeared from the crowd.

"Inuyasha I don't know if I can do this..." he heard her whisper. He wanted so badly to reach out and comfort her, but he knew this was not the time or place. He slipped past her unnoticed and with only a slight nod from Inuyasha.

He took a deep breath as he stepped into his father's room. The nurses started toward him to get him out, but Toga stopped them. "This man is one of my employees. He is here to get some information and paperwork then will be on his way."

The attendants went back to work diligently and ignored his presence completely. "Sir, the information you requested is now available," he said quietly.

Toga nodded. "I see, and the blueprints?"

"Already started. They will be finished by the end of the week."

"You are late enough as it is. I would not advise waiting much longer."

"Great plans cannot be rushed."

"Touche, just do not wait until the last minute."

Both of them felt Kagome standing outside the door and looked at each other.

"The documents you are looking for are in that box in the corner."

Sesshoumaru nodded and stepped aside as a little dark-haired girl bounced into the room and onto his bed. His heart pounded as he resisted the urge to reach out and grab his daughter and never let her go.

"Hi grandpa Toga!" Rin said happily.

Toga furrowed his eyebrows. "Grandpa!? I'm not that old!"

Rin laughed. "Are too!"

"Okay, well I guess I am. So how are you?"

"I'm okay," she wrinkled her nose a little. "Grandpa, what's that smell?"

"It's all the medicine and things, you'll get used to it."

She nodded. "Mommy said you're sick."

"Yes, I am."

"She didn't tell me you aren't going to get better, but you're not are you?"

Sesshoumaru felt like someone was squeezing his heart. His little girl wasn't so little anymore and she was intuitive, just like her mother.

Toga opened his mouth and closed it. How did one answer such a delicate question? "No... I'm not."

Rin nodded again. "Then I will miss you, but we can't stop the cycle of life."

The pride welling up in him couldn't be helped. She was so young, but so intelligent.

"So how are you doing in school?"

"I'm doing great! Mr. Hojo is letting me help my friends with their studies too. It's lots of fun!"

"Wow, is Mr. Hojo your teacher?"

"Yes, he's really nice, and I think he likes mommy."

Sesshoumaru growled a little and Toga shot him a glare. Rin's ears perked up a bit to catch the noise again, but she shook her head.

"Really? Does your mommy like him?" Toga asked, knowing the question was on Sesshoumaru's mind.

Rin thought for a second. "I don't think so. He's nice, but he's kind of a dork..."

Toga laughed and Sesshoumaru breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, I guess you really like school."

"Oh yes, very much! I get good marks on all my tests," she answered while wrapping his silver hair around one of her little fingers.

"That's good. Are you doing anything special right now?"

"Well, we're getting ready for the winter play. I'm going to try out for the part of the Snow Fairy!"

"That sounds exciting."

"Oh it is, it's the leading role. I really hope I get it."

The sound of the door opening caught everyone's attention. As Kagome walked in all the servants filed out and Sesshoumaru stayed in his corner, fighting the urge to grab her and never let go.

Toga sat up the best he could. "Rin, why don't you go see what Uncle Inuyasha is doing?"

The girl hopped off the bed happily. "Okay! I'll make sure I come back and see you before we leave."

Sesshoumaru smiled a little as he watched his daughter bounce out of the room.

Kagome swelled with pride and envy at how brave Rin was being. Tears dimmed her usually bright blue eyes as she turned and looked at her surrogate father. Sesshoumaru squeezed his hands into fists and forced them to his side. He wanted to reach out and console her so badly.

"Now, now child, none of that," Toga said, waving her over to his bed.

"It's just not right, why can't the doctors do their job and make you better?" she sobbed.

His heart ached for her. It was his job to make sure she stayed safe, but it was also his job to make sure her tears were those of joy, not sadness.

"It's okay. I'm an old man Kagome, I've lived for almost a thousand years. I've seen a lot of things and I've accepted my passing."

"What will happen to the family, to the business?" It was so like Kagome to worry about everything.

"Most of my assets will be passed to my sons, then there will be some to you and some to Rin."

"So..." she gulped, the question burning in her mind was now at the tip of her tongue. "So, does that mean Sesshoumaru will be here?"

He stopped breathing. What would Toga tell her? He had asked Inuyasha not to tell her he was here. He wasn't ready to speak to her yet. He hadn't contained Naraku yet and he knew if he faced her now it would be heard throughout the whole house.

"I won't lie to you, he will be here and he wants to see you."

He glared at his father, who just shrugged back at him.

Kagome turned away and wiped furiously at her tears. "He doesn't get to make those decisions anymore."

His heart clenched. Maybe after all this time she didn't want him back. It was a thought he had often, but now listening to her speak was like watching that thought become reality.

"He loves you and Rin. It's not my place to explain the circumstance of his leaving, but trust me when I tell you it wasn't his choice."

"He did have a choice. He could have told me why he was leaving, but he chose not to."

She was right. He could have easily told her what Naraku was doing, but he made a decision and it was too late to change it now.

Toga growled and caused her to turn around. "You know I love you like my own pup, so you should expect me to tell you when you are acting like a child! If you honestly think Sesshoumaru would just leave his family behind with no reason then you apparently don't know him as well as I had hoped."

Kagome lowered her head in shame. "I know he would never just leave, but he could have told me what was going on."

So maybe there was hope that she wanted him back...

"Did you ever think that maybe he thought he was doing the right thing by not telling you?"

"We were almost mates, he should have known he could trust me with anything."

This time it was his turn to lower his head in shame. She was right again. They were closer then mates even without being mated and he hadn't trusted her with the most important secret he held.

"He thought you would be safer if you didn't know."

"Safe from what! Everyone keeps telling me that he's just trying to keep me safe! Maybe I would agree if I had even an idea of what was going on!"

Toga sat up and coughed. Kagome knelt at his side and looked at him with concern. "I'll be alright," he whispered through the coughs.

Her eyes roamed the room and stopped on him for a brief second. Not recognizing him she grabbed a blanket and covered Toga. "You need some rest. I'll tell everyone you are not to be disturbed."

"Thank you."

He watched her leave with sadness in his eyes. Once the door was closed he turned to Toga. "You can stop faking it father, she's gone."

His father sighed. "How did you guess?"

"You always act like that when you feel uncomfortable talking about something. Kagome is only human, she can't tell, but I can. While we are on this topic, I told you not to tell her I was going to be here."

"It just came out. Besides you should have already swooped in and reclaimed your family."

"Do not try to give me instruction in the ways of love. You've proven in the past that you are not a reliable source."

Toga shook his head. "Have you heard anything from Naraku?"

"He is here today, telling everyone that he is an associate of yours. I told Inuyasha not to interfere. If he's here then I know he's not in the office. Kagura is here as well, not that it would matter. She's been looking for the chance to stab him in the back."

"I hope your confidence isn't misplaced."

"It's not father, not this time," he said, then left.

He made his way up the stairs and into the study to hide yet again. He looked out over the garden and what he saw enraged him. Inuyasha grabbed Kagome and kissed her. He growled low in his chest as his ward, Jaken, entered. "L-Lord Sesshoumaru, is everything okay?"

"No, bring my little brother to me. We have family matters to discuss."

---

"Where did that Kagome go?" Inuyasha asked.

Her eyes burned with unshed tears. "That Kagome was left standing in an empty house watching the love of her life drive away. That Kagome was left behind with no answers, even from the people she trusted most. That Kagome died two years ago when my life was ripped away from me." She turned and walked away, leaving him standing alone in the deserted hallway.

An arm reached out a door and suddenly he was sitting on the floor of his father's study. "What the--"

A chair flying at him cut his sentence short as he jumped out of the way. "How dare you!?" Sesshoumaru roared.

Inuyasha ducked as a paper weight whizzed by his head. "What the hell did I do?"

"I saw you with her!" His eyes were tinted red around the edges and it was spreading fast.

"I just, it was... I didn't mean anything."

"So what, you thought you'd just toy with her emotions when you **know** I'm trying to make this right? You're a selfish bastard. Now get out."

---

"Rin I want you to stay here for just a minute while I talk to the nurses then you can come in, okay?" Kagome said as they stood outside Toga's room.

"Okay," Rin nodded.

When Kagome walked in it seemed as if time had stopped. Everyone froze under her angry glare. "Where is he?" she hissed after the door was shut behind her.

She had never saw anyone move as fast as his attendants did then. In less than ten seconds the room was cleared and it was just she and Toga.

"Where is who?" he asked in his best innocent impression.

Her eyes bore into his. "Don't play these games with me, you know exactly who I'm talking about. That was him in here earlier wasn't it? That cowardly bastard has to sneak around and watch me, he can't even face me like a man."

Toga sighed. "He has his reasons and they are not mine to share."

"Where is he now?"

"I can't tell you that."

She growled under her breath then walked over to the door. "Rin, come in and tell grandpa goodbye."

The little girl jumped on the bed and wrapped her small arms around her grandfather's neck. "I'll miss you grandpa."

"I'm going to miss you too, but I'll never be too far away."

Kagome turned away as her eyes dimmed with tears again. "Rin, honey, we have to go." She turned back to Toga. "Please know that no matter what I'll love you and miss you."

"I know I can be difficult to deal with, but I promise you will always be watched over."

Kagome walked over and hugged him quickly then in the blink of an eye was standing back at the door. Rin looked back and forth between the two adults and shook her head, they could be so confusing.

---

Angel: Ugh, I absolutely hate this chapter. I've gone back over it four or five times and I still hate it...


	8. If Only Cold Could Numb the Pain

**Thinking of You**

**by ~Wick3d Ang3l~**

**Chapter Eight: If Only Cold Could Numb the Pain**

Kagome stared out the window of her office in dismay. The snow had started falling earlier that morning and now a thin layer of white coated the city. The flakes seemed to dance merrily in the wind as they disregarded her sorrow. Her mind wandered to a winter of the past and she seemed lost to the world.

_"Sesshoumaru, look!" a teenaged Kagome called as she looked out at the piles of snow._

_"Hn," was his curt response._

_She crossed her arms and pouted. "You never want to do anything fun."_

_"I do not consider something cold and wet fun."_

_"You're such a party pooper."_

_"You're such a child."_

_Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow as she scooted closer to him, but pretended not to notice. Suddenly his book came out of his hands and flew across the room. Kagome straddled his lap and growled. "I am not a child! You just don't know how to have fun!"_

_"Oh really?" he replied. Something in his voice told her to run, but when she tried to move she realized his hands were clamped firmly on her hips._

_"Sesshoumaru..." she whispered in a fearful voice. She felt herself lifted and thrown over his shoulder. "Put me down!" she screamed, but it fell on deaf ears. When she heard the door open she knew she was in trouble. A soft thud later found her sitting in a snow bank staring up in bewilderment at the smirking demon. "What the hell was that for?" she yelled as she tried to get up._

_"Was that not fun? I enjoyed it."_

_She tried to stand, but managed to bury herself deeper in the snow. "You're such an ass, now help me out of here." Sesshoumaru reached a hand out to her and Kagome grinned wildly as she grabbed it. In the snow and ice even a great Inuyoukai couldn't keep his footing. She yanked as hard as she could and laughed as he fell down on top of her._

_He growled low in his chest. "You'll pay for that."_

_She raised an eyebrow as she wiggled to try and get out from under him. "I'm not scared."_

_A sinister grin was plastered on his face as he looked down at her. "You should be..."_

_A low, sensual growl escaped his lips. Heat ran through her body and chills ran down her spin. Their lips met and there was a struggle of power before Kagome let him take control. He trailed kisses from her mouth down her jaw and nibbled at her neck._

_"Sesshoumaru," she whispered breathlessly. When he didn't respond she said it a little louder and he stopped, his eyes meeting hers. "Sesshoumaru... my butt is numb."_

_He laughed heartily and stood. Once he had carried her inside, he made some hot cocoa and they sat together until she was warmed up. _

She remembered having a cold for week afterward and he had stayed home from college to take care of her. There was the smallest of smiles on her face as the memory faded. If only they could have stayed like that forever. She shook the memory from her head and focused on her work. She had to remember that she was mad at him. She couldn't let silly memories from a lifetime ago change her mind now. Her resolve had to be strong if she was going to face him.

---

"I'm going to kill him," Sesshoumaru growled as he paced the floor of the den.

Kagura placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and he shook it away.

"Just because we are working together does not give you permission to touch me."

She raised her hands. "I'm sorry, you just looked like you could use some compassion."

He glared at her. "You are the reason I'm in this mess to begin with."

She crossed her arms. "I told you, Naraku will kill me if I don't do as he asks."

"And you took no pleasure in watching my family be ripped away from me? You thought I would run to you for comfort, didn't you?"

She looked away. "There was a time you would have..."

Cold laughter resounded through the empty hotel room. "Make no assumptions. There was never a time I would stoop so low as to run to you."

---

Kagome bobbed in place as she tried her best to stay warm against the assault of snow. She had gotten off work early and decided to pick Rin up from school, but she was starting to think she would have been better off staying in the car. As the kids came piling out of the building she smiled and waved at her daughter, who ran to her quickly.

"Momma! How come you're here?" Rin asked when she reached her.

Kagome pouted. "Well I can go home and have Aunt Sango come pick you up if that's what you want."

"No! I'm sorry, let's go home!"

Kagome hugged her daughter close to her. "Okay, but only because you said sorry. Did you have fun at school today?" she asked as she started the car.

"Yea! We had an English test today and I got an A."

"That's good. Did anything else happen?"

Rin was quiet for a second, a little too quiet for Kagome's liking.

"Rin, if something happened you need to tell mommy."

"Mr. Hojo gave me this note for you..." Rin answered reaching a piece of paper in her direction. "He said not to read it and I didn't mean to momma, honest! It fell on the floor and opened."

Kagome sighed as she took the paper from her daughter. She glanced at it when they stopped at a red light. It asked if she wanted to go on another date over the weekend.

"Momma, are you and Mr. Hojo dating?"

It was an innocent question and Kagome had no idea how to answer it. The note certainly made it seem like they were and she could kill him for being so careless, but she still wasn't sure what she felt about him and now with Sesshoumaru back... She felt like beating her head against the window.

"Momma..."

She smiled at her daughter. "I guess you could say that, we've been out together a few times."

Rin nodded. There was an uncomfortable silence between them for the rest of the ride home. How did you explain to a six-year-old that you could be seeing someone and have no feelings for them?

Kagome walked into the kitchen and looked through the fridge and cabinets to find something to make for dinner. Rin sat at the table, quietly working on her homework.

"Rin, if you have any questions I want you to know that you can ask me anything."

Rin looked up at her mother and for the first time Kagome felt something other than love from her daughter. The look in her little girl's eye was one of contempt. "Daddy isn't coming back is he?" she asked, her voice distant.

Kagome opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. "I don't know," she finally answered.

"Was he really taken away?"

Again she couldn't find words to explain it. "No... He left to keep us safe."

"Safe from what?"

At that moment Kagome saw more of herself then she ever cared to admit. She remembered the day she had asked her mother about her own father. She was old enough to remember when he left, but she never understood it. Her mother had been pregnant with Souta, in fact she was almost due when he left. Seven-year-old Kagome had tearfully accepted the fact that he wasn't coming back at that time, but as she got older she had more questions.

One day, not long after she turned fifteen, she decided she had enough of her mother pretending he never existed.

_Souta had gone to bed by the time Kagome sat down across from her mother at the kitchen table. The silence between them was long and uncomfortable and her mother was the first to break it._

_"Kagome, it there something you want to talk about?" her mom asked, her voice tinged with concern._

_A young Kagome sat across from her mother looking defiant and angry. "I want to talk about dad," she said simply._

Looking back she could swear time stopped as her mother looked at her with glaring pain and as an older woman she wished she had never brought that pain to her mother's eyes.

_"You need to get to bed, you have school in the morning," her mother had replied, trying to change the subject._

_"Stop! Why do you do this? You can't spend the rest of your life pretending he never existed!"_

_There were tears in her mother's eyes, but back then she hadn't cared. "Kagome... you don't know the first thing about your father or why he left and I've done my best to keep it that way. Someday I know you'll understand how I feel, but for now just leave it alone."_

_"I'm not going to leave it alone. He doesn't even call! What did you do to him to make him so angry at us?" She knew her mother had to have done something. Her father was always so kind and caring. He loved her and then one day he was just gone._

_Her mother sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Your father... I found out he was seeing another woman and I asked him about it. He said he needed some freedom, that a wife and two kids were just too much to handle, and he left. You know, I wasn't the happiest in our marriage either, but I stuck through it. I held on and tried to make things work and to find out that he just threw it away without a second thought... I feel cheated. Now here I am, it's been eight years and I'm still single, still taking care of two kids with nothing more then what little the shrine brings in and an insignificant amount of weekly guilt money from your father. I suppose it helps him sleep at night to hand over $50 a week in lieu of actually seeing his children..."_

_At that moment Kagome froze. She had no idea what had really happened and she had blamed her mother for it all, thinking that the perfect image she had of her father was correct, and that he could never do that to his family._

Now here she was trying to explain to her own daughter something that she didn't understand herself and in that moment she knew exactly how her mother felt on that day, and now she understood why her mother had wanted her to wait. For so long it had been easy to just blame her mother for Sesshoumaru being able to just walk out, but now she realized that she was just trying to save her from the same heartache.

As Kagome looked down into her daughter's face her heart broke. There were so many things she couldn't explain, or didn't want to. How did you tell a child that her father left with absolutely no explanation? A father she loved and spent every night praying would return. How did you tell her to give up hope at such an innocent age?

---

Angel: I meant for this to be a bit longer and up a bit sooner, but to say things have been chaotic in my home is an understatement. My husband has been laid off from work, Izzy found an apartment and is in the process of moving out, and a friend of my husband's is moving in to help make ends meet... Yes, chaotic is very gross understatement. Also, don't forget to throw my job and hunt for a second job on top of all that. I'm not making any assertions as to when the next chapter will be ready, I have much too much on my plate to be making promises I can't keep. Until then please review and I will work on this in my "free" time, which is generally either my breaks at work or the time I should be using for sleep...


	9. Author Note

I know a lot of you have been waiting for an update for a long time. The problem is life has gotten in the way and to be completely honest I have no idea how long it will be before I can update again. My husband and I are getting ready to file for divorce and my son and I have been staying with some family. I had the next two chapters done, but I have no internet at the farm. Then came the fateful day that a mouse climbed into my tower... I'm not one for animal cruelity, but I'm glad the little sucker died, he deserved it after he made me lose all the work on this not mention all the one shots and such I had done :( So, long story short I have no idea how long it will be before I can resume this story or anything else.

~Wick3d Ang3l~


End file.
